2020 was a stressful, challenging, overwhelming, and often devastating year for everyone on this planet. For me, it was the beginning of three years of facing stress, heartbreak, health issues, anxiety, and a continuing battle with Long Covid.
Writing music has always been very therapeutic for me, and wouldashouldacoulda is my ongoing attempt to process these events.
As Covid quickly enveloped the globe, it brought not only a threat to our physical health, but also, terrible damage to the mental well-being of so many.
My emotional pain during this time was fed by many sources - the stress of Covid; the worrying about keeping my loved ones safe, while allowing students into my home studio; the stress of "zooming" for countless hours; the impending specter of financial doom; but most of all, the absolute shock of losing someone very, very dear to me, in a sudden and completely unanticipated way.
The piece, "In My Pain" is my musical reaction to some of the darkest days in my life.
Coming to terms with everything life throws at you involves much self reflection, and deep contemplation. Peeling away the layers until honest self-analysis in achieved, can open your eyes to many things.
Writing "Play Me Like a Fiddle" was part of my journey to process the pain, shock and deep emotional stress I was buried in.
I was desperately searching for solutions and some sort of closure. Writing this was provided me some distraction and an element of release.
My students were my saviors. The pandemic turned their lives upside down, but they persevered. They navigated through the lockdowns, the masking, the constant sanitization and the social distancing, with flying colors. Through them, I was inspired, comforted, motivated and energized. I am deeply thankful to have been touched by these angels, who gave me so much strength and taught me so much.
I pray for a better world for all children. I pray for the homeless and the suffering. I pray for peace. I pray for those I love. I pray someone is listening.